He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
