I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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