What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
