Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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