remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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