He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
