So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
