I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
