I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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