I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
