can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
