Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
