Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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