the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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