So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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