she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
