i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
