oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
