I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
