Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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