If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
