they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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