My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
