By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
