He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
