At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I touched a dick in church today
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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