I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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