barbara walters just said penis...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
