i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
ok first of all what the fuck
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
