my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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