remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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