babies were throwing up all over the place
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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