We're like a lot better than the average bears
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
