People with herpes should wear stickers.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
