maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
