i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
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Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
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She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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