True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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