If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
