Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
