she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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