I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
