Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
