I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
