Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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