We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
