i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
