what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
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He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
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I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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