There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
