Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Can I color on your dick again?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
