That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
