i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
