K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
