U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
