At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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