So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
