There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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