i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
it hurts more in the daytime
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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