omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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