i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
