Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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