and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
