Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
