i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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