I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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