You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The feeling are messing with the penis
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My life is pants optional.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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