party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
