she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
