Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
