How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize