Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
