I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
