I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
