im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
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I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
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Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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