areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's shark week go big or go home
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
