we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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