I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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