life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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