i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
