This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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