Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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