She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
