Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
